


Ate do nai kono kimochi samayotte  (My love wanders without a place to go)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Anal Sex, Domestic Violence, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 19:34:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14775885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “Tell me you love me.”“Please, I need it.”“I’m sorry, Yuri. I truly am.”“Come back, Yu. Come back to me.”





	Ate do nai kono kimochi samayotte  (My love wanders without a place to go)

_“Tell me you love me.”_

_“Please, I need it.”_

_“I’m sorry, Yuri. I truly am.”_

_“Come back, Yu. Come back to me.”_

Yuri went through the e-mails on his phone, looking gloomy.

He felt his eyes starting to get watery, but he would've forced himself not to cry. 

His eyes hurt too much anyway.

He had gotten out of that house two hours ago now, and he didn’t know where to go.

It was getting late, and he was considering his options.

But he wasn’t going back to him, not again. It had happened before, and he had gotten back, and things had only been worse.

He had been an idiot and he knew that, but he wasn’t going to do it just for the sheer pleasure of seeing his trust crumble in Yuya’s hands.

He was close to Kota’s place, actually. And one place or the other was the same at that point, he just wanted to be inside, maybe wash his face and get some rest.

He didn’t feel like explaining, but he knew he was going to need to, eventually.

And he wanted for someone to hear him, to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. He knew Kota was going to do just that, that he wasn’t going to leave him alone, that just having him there would've made him feel better.

He felt his phone vibrate and briefly closed his eyes, before reading yet another e-mail.

_“I love you, Yuri.”_

Chinen looked at the display for a moment only.

He could believe those words, he really could.

And he wished he could’ve gone back home and hide between Yuya’s arms, to believe that everything was going to be better just because that love was enough to let him forget everything else.

But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t let his own skin pay the price for his stupidity.

Tired, exhausted, he headed toward Kota’s.

And, willing or not, he felt tears starting to run down his face.

 

~

 

Yabu handed him a cup of tea, never tearing his eyes off of him.

Yuri hadn't said a word since he had stepped inside, and he wondered what was going through the elder’s mind, what he was thinking right now, if he was trying to understand what had him there, that night.

When he had opened the door, he had had to necessarily realize that there was something wrong, but he hadn't asked anything yet.

He had let him in, and kept talking so cautiously to him that made Yuri feel like he was a ticking bomb ready to explode.

And, actually, it wasn’t so far from how things actually were.

“You should at least wash your face, Yuri.” he told him, after having taken a cup of tea for himself, sitting at the other end of the couch.

The younger bit his lip, feeling his breathing get faster.

He didn’t like the tone of his voice, he didn’t like the pitiful way he looked at him.

“I'm fine.” he murmured, slowly sipping from his cup and gagging a little.

How long had it been since he had last eaten or drunk something?

Yabu kept staring at him, looking on his face for some hint as to what had happened.

And Yuri knew that his silence couldn’t last much longer, because as much as the elder tried to be as private as he could, the fact that he had shown himself at his door at midnight and with his face being nothing but a mask of blood was way past his will to mind his own business.

He sighed, giving up on drinking his tea and putting the cup down on the coffee table.

“Can I stay here tonight? I’ll sleep on the couch and I’ll be gone by morning, you won’t even notice I’m here.” he asked, quickly, as if he was scared of a refusal.

But the other scoffed, shaking his head.

“You can stay here as long as you want, Yuri. But I really wish I knew what’s happened because, correct me if I'm wrong, it’s not so usual for you to have your face covered in bruises, is it?”

The younger hesitated for a moment, chewing on his lip again. In the end, he sighed.

“It’s nothing serious, Kota. Just... just an accident.” he tried to explain, and right then he felt a noise from the phone, notifying him a new e-mail.

And Kota, of course, heard it too.

“Want me to call Yuya to tell him you’re here?” he asked, staring closely at him, looking for a reaction.

Chinen held his breath, trying to keep calm.

“It’s... it’s not necessary, thanks. I’ll write to him to tell him that I'm here and that he doesn’t have to worry.” he lied, much less casual than he would've liked.

And the other saw it.

He got closer, sitting next to him and gently resting a hand on his shoulder.

“Yuri... was it him?” he asked, his voice meaning to be soothing, but that arrived to the younger’s ears like an accusation.

He panicked, while Yabu’s hand on him seemed to weigh a ton.

“Don’t be stupid, Kota. I don’t see why he should’ve...” he started to say, but then he stopped.

He closed his eyes, only for a moment, as if hoping that once he would've opened them back there weren’t going to be any more questions to answer, any more wounds on his face, nothing he was forced to erase from his memory.

But Kota was still there and his face still hurt, and he was tired of bearing it without doing something about it.

He burst into tears.

He cried, and cried, and cried, and let the elder hold him, he let him hug him, he let those hands comfort him, letting him vent all he felt, all he had kept inside for all this time.

It had started so well.

He had always loved Yuya, so much that he couldn’t see behind the mask the elder wore to confuse others.

And once he had finally gotten what he truly wanted, he had forced himself to ignore the clues of a problem, because he wasn’t going to lose him just as he had managed to have him.

It had happened one night, almost by chance.

He couldn’t remember the reason, only the pain.

Then Yuya had cried with him and had held him close, telling him he loved him, repeating that over and over again, and Yuri had decided to archive that as an isolated accident and not think too much of it.

Then it had happened a second time, and once again Yuya had hugged him, and once again he had settled for the warmth of his body against his own to make him forget.

The third time, he had given up on forgetting.

And that night Yuya hadn't stopped, and all the hugs and declarations of love had been useless, had made Yuri sick, making him feel even more like running from that house that had become nothing more than a prison.

He had gotten out meaning to never come back, and it didn’t matter what he was going to do, he just knew he didn’t want to be anymore with the man he had loved, and that had betrayed him so deeply.

Because Yuya had led him to believe that he was different, he had shown a side of himself that Yuri couldn’t see anymore, and when he had changed he didn’t know who he was with anymore, he looked at him sleeping at night and couldn’t recognize him, and all he desired was to be anywhere else.

And now that he actually was in another apartment, with different arms holding him, with a different voice telling him everything was going to be alright, he finally understood how during all those months he had just deluded himself into thinking that that of Takaki could actually be love.

He raised his eyes on Kota then, bringing his arms around his neck and letting go to that feeling, the feeling to be with someone that wasn’t going to hurt him, because there was no reason to.

If the elder was surprised by it, he didn’t show.

He just held him tighter, overcoming the fact that it wasn’t in his nature, and Chinen was grateful to him for that.

Then he pulled back a little, looking into his eyes for just a moment. And then he kissed him.

Yabu didn’t move. He accepted that kiss and reciprocated it, caressing his back with his hands, big, warm, letting them slip to his hips and softly pushing him away.

“Please.” was all the younger said, trying to convey all the desperation he felt.

“We... we shouldn’t, Yuri. You’re in shock, and you’re right to be, and I...” he murmured, while Chinen shook his head.

“I’m not in shock. I’m just tired, Kota. And I want... I want to forget the touch of his hands.” he said, lowering his eyes, embarrassed.

And that seemed to be enough to convince him.

He grabbed his hips more firmly, bringing him over himself and then taking his shirt off of him, attacking his neck with his tongue, while his hands went to his legs.

Yuri didn’t know why he was doing this, if it was out of pity, arousal or because he actually wanted to have sex with him.

He just knew that he didn’t want to have the taste of Yuya’s skin on himself anymore, he didn’t want to smell his scent, have the feeling of his hands on him.

He took Kota’s shirt off, while the other tried to pull his pants down, an impossible task in the current position.

With a stretched smile, Yuri stood up and got rid of what clothes he had left on him, gesturing for Yabu to do the same.

Then he went back on top of him, wrapping his legs around him and rolling his head back when he felt Kota’s hand on his shaft, wrapping his long fingers around it, delicate, moving them slowly.

He let himself go to that touch without asking for more, letting him take his time.

He wasn’t in a rush and he didn’t want it to be over. It had been too long since he had last felt hands touching him without fearing that they were going to hurt him.

Kota brought the fingers of his free hand on his lips, and without putting pressure on he let him open them and licking him. Then he brought the hand behind him, past his back and reaching his opening, letting a finger slip inside, stopping for the time necessary to gaze at his expression, wanting to be sure he wasn’t hurting him.

“I’ve had worse, Kota. Move.” the younger told him, almost sarcastic, meaning to soften the implications of what he had just said.

But the other didn’t bother with it, and once allowed he kept preparing him faster, enjoying hearing him moan and seeing him move instinctively against his hands, finally desiring more.

Once he was satisfied he was ready he stopped touching him and brought his hands to his hips, moving him enough to find a position comfortable for both of them.

And then Yuri felt him pushing inside and he moaned our loud, leaning over to suffocate any other sound against the elder’s shoulder.

They kept still for a while, and it was Chinen who started moving on top of him, while Kota thrust his hips up to meet him.

Yuri felt good.

He wasn’t thinking about anything, he felt like he couldn’t. All he could feel was Yabu inside of him, his breath against his skin, his hands caressing him, his mouth searching for him.

He felt good, and he couldn’t remember when it had been the last time he had felt like that.

They kept moving, pushing their bodies together, while the elder’s fingers went back to his erection, now stroking it faster, and after a few more minutes Yuri felt on the brink of orgasm.

When he finally came he rolled his head back and clenched his eyes, letting out a scream. He felt Kota slow down, and that gave him the chance to get off of him and kneeling in the floor in front of the couch, bringing his mouth to the elder’s cock before he could even complain for the lack of contact.

It didn’t take him long; Yuri teased him with his tongue on the whole length, then he took him into his mouth, letting the tip brush his throat, and so he felt him spasm while he bit his hand and came inside his mouth.

He got up, trying to even his breathing, going back to sit on the couch and resting his head on Yabu’s shoulder, while the elder brushed his leg.

He couldn’t say how long they kept quiet, just that it felt like forever.

And then Yabu brought an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer, holding him tight.

“You should tend to those wounds, Yuri.” he murmured, his face against his hair.

Chinen shrugged, as to say it didn’t matter.

“It’s just bruises. They’ll heal on their own.”

There were too many other things he wanted to tell him, but it was like all the tiredness piled up during those months had chosen to hit him right now.

He closed his eyes, crouched against Yabu’s chest, against his skin smelling of sweat and sex, a scent he was going to have to learn to appreciate all over again.

He knew he was about to fall asleep, but he didn’t care. He deserved it, after all.

And when he was dozing off he heard his phone vibrate, and felt proud of himself because he managed not to care, because he managed not to wonder what Yuya wanted from him, what excuse he had made up, what he still had to say to him.

Yuri didn’t belong to him.

Not anymore.


End file.
